Tuesday, November 01, 2005

How Can I Title This?

(In honor of unrolled beards)

I never thought I would be writing like this, but then these types of things are rarely thought of: they just are. To write like this is not easy for me – actually it’s very hard – but I think my ease does not really hold precedent in this post.

Sun setting, airplanes droning, people circling, seven blessing, ring fingering, glass breaking, everybody Mazal Toving, and I stand somewhat detached, not feeling much, not wanting to feel much. Happy? Yes. But somewhat of a generic happiness – how nice these two people married – nothing that I cannot handle.

And then we are dancing in a manic circle, like a vortex pulling us into an unknown abyss, and emotion wells up in my heart, now it threatens to spill over and out of my eyelids. I have never felt so much joy for somebody else. I have never felt so much joy for myself. I cannot explain it. Period.

But how will it look if I cry, so I have another drink: alcohol was always the best scapegoat, emotion’s designated decoy. Oh, but I’m drunk on happiness and joy and it takes a lot of booze to sober me up.

And I dance. Most people cannot tell how happy I am, and that’s the way I like it. Of course some can, but those that can are just as happy as I am.

I don’t know, dear reader, if you realize how difficult it is for the words to come and, when they do come, how difficult it is to put them on paper. An inner battle – do or do I not show this side – one that, as your reading proves, the “personal” side has won.

But this is not about me – if it were I would never be able to write this – it is about two halves (one of which I’ve had the honor of dorming with for two years) coming together to form a complete whole.

May you have much happiness and joy and whatever the hell you want on your journey together through life…

Ok, let me publish this before I lose my guts.

p.s. sorry for kicking your ankle.

15 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like this side of you. Never knew it was in you.

11/02/2005 3:00 AM  
Anonymous the beardless one said...

wow...inner tears going on here (dont want to ruin the makeup that i havent yet put on today) thanks for this beautiful (mush mush) blog from the other half of the half that u dormed with for 2 years.

11/02/2005 2:02 PM  
Anonymous m said...

the real you has surfeced on papper, very nice jak

11/02/2005 8:50 PM  
Blogger The Bearded One said...

wow. now i'm crying. thanx for having the guts that you do. the wedding was perfect and amazing due to such emotions as yours.
p.s. ankles fine

11/02/2005 9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FINALLY!!

11/05/2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger The real me said...

Ya, it was.

Pure joy like I had not felt in a long time.

Zalmy, skiing is ;-) great... Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must
say goodbye . . .

Its not that sad, but now we need to get you a seprate apartment from madam shlavly.

Being that this is a page of confessions... that gin and sprite got spilled out.

11/06/2005 1:28 AM  
Anonymous Duchess said...

Jakey,
It's nice to see this side of you, not that I know the other side, but you make drinking seem so noble. Was the bloody nose also a cover for some escaped tears?

P.S. You told my mother that what's his name is a @#*% faggot. we're all kind of wondering about that.

11/06/2005 1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's his name?

11/06/2005 3:15 PM  
Blogger jakeyology said...

i don't remember

(uh oh)

11/06/2005 5:22 PM  
Blogger The real me said...

LOL

11/06/2005 7:56 PM  
Blogger jakeyology said...

funny for u; sad for me.

11/07/2005 12:53 AM  
Blogger BFF said...

reading ur post i had that feeling u get when someone articulates something u knew but had no words for.
tight, dude.

11/08/2005 4:04 AM  
Blogger The Bearded One said...

ur just bored enough to post on every freaking blog u find. find something else to do with ur eight hours in the airport...

11/11/2005 7:20 PM  
Blogger The Bearded One said...

p.s. ur a cutie. not u, u overgrown freak. jaky is.

11/12/2005 11:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what can i say kuddos to you! finnaly a guy that can write what he feels and you can feel what he writes if we would start talking to people (especialy younger ones )this way we might even be able to make some sense out of this world instead of being victims of it
keep it up1

12/09/2005 8:26 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home