Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Title Would Give It Away

Smile upon me, oh my faithful son.
Cry beneath me, o selfless servant.
Be so kind to pardon this uh-pun
You watchers who be so observant:
Please unravel this riddle I spun.

I see with my ears; with eyes I hear.
I’ve known much status but little quo.
I am neither here nor am I there.
Of ignorance I will never know.
Of indifference I could not care.

Sure I can walk down the beaten path –
But I can beat my own all the same.
Yes I’ve inspired in Him a wrath –
But merely one tear and He is tame.
It is an old joke yet still I laugh.

I cannot speak but I have said much.
I cannot walk but I have wandered.
I cannot feel but all I can touch.
I cannot think but I have pondered.
I cannot limp but I have a crutch.

[Eros eroding the bottom lines.
Pieces peace together the fixture.
Axioms axing axis-confines.
Scholars de-scripting a new scripture.
Termites de-terminating de-vines.

Refurbished reefers re-ding re-fines.
Deities depicting de-picture.
Signor’s signature signing de-signs.
Mixing minxes mixing the mixture.
Sum-one sum-where as-summing sum-times.]

I’m a-verse to the itty-bitty.
Never liked getting lost in de-tale.
But when it gets to nitty-gritty,
I like to purchase bulk in re-tail.
And that’s me in a witty-ditty.

[Am I the reader or the writer?
who am i who are you Cigarette or lighter?

Are you the writer or the reader?
who am i who are you Follower or leader?]


Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is great. i love your "title." its so true. i feel a lot of times that reading the piece is actually of no use anymore because of how some people give away everything in the title.

very nice

4/05/2006 4:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

syntax is slightly off
and as usual too many words.

{clearly, you like Joyce but you aren't Joyce- so mastery first, games second)

is it all in the language or all in the point?

you can be more direct.
and just altogther more lucid.

4/05/2006 10:55 PM  
Blogger jakeyology said...

i hate rules.

which words should i omit?

joyce would never write this way - it's only one language.

language brings out point, and point language.

if i wanted to be direct, i would write text books.

and what do you mean "sharper" and "more lucid"? please be more lucid.

it is a bit difficult to take anonymous criticism seriously; but thnx - it definitely doesn’t hurt.

4/06/2006 12:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so touchy and touche.

anonymitity is irrelevant.
you are a proficient writer {apparently the precursory compliment is in order} and i have enjoyed reading your work...

but to be honest-
i think you can write better-
i find your work indulgent and lazy-
you don't appear to demand anything greater for yourself.
You're writing is ornamental, opulent and extravagant- Joyce was anything but.... you seem to play with the body of language, sensual, a fluidity of motion, but with none of the restraint, control, the command of linguistic purity.

you're work is liberating but without evidence of a struggle. intense but with no real centre. I'd love to see what you could write if you broke your self assurence, that shell of confidence that is obstructing everything you have the potential to really write.

i've read this blog silently for a very long time, and you will not get any more petting from me.
should you truly honor your craft you will realize that this is only feedback-
hone your craft. demand a tad more...
"Welcome, O life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race."


4/06/2006 3:28 PM  
Blogger jakeyology said...

please continue with the feedback - no matter if i do not enjoy it, i still learn form it. thank you.

i do apologise if i came across too strong - i may be "young and arrogant".

but please do keep on commenting - even anonymously.

4/06/2006 5:51 PM  
Anonymous like, totally befuddled said...

holy moly. stop here. what the hell is going on? is someone taking jakey seriously? when did this happen?

4/08/2006 5:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To start with i've noticed an overt pattern. Why do you constantly juxtapose extremes?
I wonder if you are attempting to grapple with your own self-truths by divining a road of polar opposites? Why?
Do you find answers in opposites?
This tends to make your work somewhat ambigious and elusive... inconclusive and theoretical.

4/09/2006 1:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u sound like a stalker!!

4/09/2006 3:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it would be "grappling" not "attempting to grapple" and no, hes not grappling, hes too lazy to grapple

4/09/2006 6:48 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home